Coping with Holiday Stress

Gerald Koocher, Ph.D, is president of the American Psychological Association and dean of the Simmons School for Health Studies in Boston. Koocher offers these tips for coping with holiday stress:

Q: Why do people get so stressed out during the holiday season?

Gerald Koocher: A lot has to do with expectations associated with the season (both our own, and those of others we care about). In much of Western society, commercial interests promote gift exchanges and shopping around the clock. This can add significant economic stress. And the pressures of getting one's work done interacts with holiday time off, family demands, and other end-of-the-year activities and obligations.

Q: How can we relieve this stress?

Koocher: One helpful step might involve calling a mental "time-out" and prioritizing. Find a quiet place and take a few minutes to think through your priorities. Ask yourself which activities or goals are most important to your wellbeing. Then, focus reasonable attention on those things, while deliberately allowing the less important matters to wait. By exerting some intentional control, you will feel less buffeted or overtaken by events. When shopping for gifts, remember that a relatively inexpensive gift showing attention to the recipient's interests, or conveying special affection, will be remembered with greater warmth and gratitude than a costly present that may end up at a department store's returns counter a few days later.
Q: Some people find that they feel depressed during this time of year. Why?
Koocher: "Seasonal blues" are not uncommon. One contributing factor involves our expectations; the media and commercial interests bombard us with messages that may often seem at odds with the reality of our lives. You may feel sad because you remember a family member who is not with you this season. You may realize another year has come and gone without attaining some major goal you had hoped for. Or you may find yourself struggling with problems involving food or alcohol intake during holiday festivities. Seasonal affective disorder, known as "SAD," also presents a problem for some people, leading to mood changes during periods of decreased exposure to daylight.

Q: The holidays may be a time to gather with difficult family members. Any tips for making these reunions less stressful?

Koocher: Family members can be sources of social support, as well as sources of intense emotional pressure. At work, your colleagues may recognize you as a high performing professional, but back home you may find yourself frozen in time as "little Bobby who wet his bed at age 3," or Suzie, who finds herself peppered with questions about her social life from nosy relatives. Two coping strategies involve recognizing what is happening, and taking control over your own reactions. Take a mental step backward for a moment and consider the person whose behavior annoys you. What does their behavior tell you about them? Are they angry, depressed, self-absorbed, or just plain insensitive? Recognize that you are not responsible for their problems, comments, or behavior. Remember that you need not let yourself become drawn back into old roles or relationships, and have no obligation to respond to intrusive or annoying questions. Change or deflect the subject, turn the question around asking about their lives, or just walk away. Behavior we do not reward (by responding or paying attention to it) will eventually fade away.

Q: What would you suggest to people who make - and want to keep - their New Year's resolutions?

Koocher: New Year's resolutions are a great coping strategy for people who find themselves disappointed with some aspects of their lives, and can use the end of the calendar year as a motivating force. If you are serious about making changes in your life, I suggest limiting the number and scope of resolutions to no more than two or three (one is better still). Accompany the resolution (your goal) with a plan (a series of steps or way points) and a tentative timetable. Breaking the task down into small, realistically achievable steps will more likely lead to success, than simply setting a single end point. Placing reminders in your calendar along the way can recharge your resolve to stay on track.
posted Friday, 10-Nov-2006